A time honored sitcom cliché is the husband forgetting his anniversary, his wife getting upset and hilarity ensues. Why does this happen? Do men just not care? Outside of the men who are very unhappily married, the forgetting of dates and such happens because over time the necessity to remember and celebrate them wears away. When a new relationship starts and begins to get serious, the guy is flooded with all sorts of memorable things and milestones. The first month, the third month, and the sixth month each help to solidify just how this relationship is going. After the first year, he’s not going to put such an emphasis on the year and one month, or remembering what she wore on the first date. The same is true of marriage.
After the first five years, celebrating a major anniversary doesn’t occur until then next five year interval. Not putting a huge emphasis on it, means it’s ok not to think about it, and unless he’s a very date and detail oriented type of guy, it might just slip his mind. Believe it or not, whether or not he remembers the anniversary has a lot to do with his personality as well as his career. It also has to do with the fact that coming home to you might be a treasure to him, or he might secretly want out of the marriage, in which case don’t expect him to celebrate.
Businessmen: those in sales, accounting, anything to do with numbers are very likely to remember an anniversary date. They work with numbers all day long, and remembering a specific date just falls in with the rest of their craft. In the case of the cheap bastard, he’s sure to remember, but not necessarily splurge, because he keeps track of dates that will end up costing him money.
Sports Fans: Again, this one ties heavily into whether or not he’s “happily” married. Not taking into account the fair-weather playoffs watcher, the die hard who parades a football jersey around in march and watches every second of spring training, is also good with numbers. Primairly those going on jerseys, and player stats. A guy like this bases the 16 weeks of august-jan around football. Anything that comes second must be worked into the schedule. If your anniversary falls during this time table, you can expect him to work it around accordingly. He might (offensively) mark his calendar as “tape game, take wife out” but believe me, he cares.
Protip: If your anniversary conflicts with a playoff game, talk to him about it, and explain the mutual importance for the celebration and for his game. See if you can work out a no conflict time to celebrate, or see if he’s willing to tape the game. You don’t want him to agree to go out, only to check the score on his phone every fifteen seconds. On the other hand it’s unfair for you to ask him to give up the game entirely.
Personality Disorders: If you’ve ended up saddled up with one of these guys, you can bet (depending on how batshit crazy they are) they will never forget an anniversary. The adult AD(H)D, OCD, and even bi-polar are all sure to have the anniversary date and plans swirling around in their heads for months. Chances are if you married them, you’ll be able to put up with their quirks. Chances are also that they’ll go the extra limb to do something great to show their appreciation for you putting up with them.
So who is likely to forget the special date?
Writers: For someone who spends their days either in a book or behind a computer screen, these guys tend to get lost in all the details. Unless he’s a historian he’s not really working with dates, and because they don’t tend to work on set deadlines, they might not even know what day it is half the time. You can expect them to forget, but they might write you a sappy poem to make up for it.
Artists: After the initial special project they did for your first anniversary, like writers they’ll end up lost in time, completely involved in their work. Don’t expect them to remember the kids names let alone what day they got married on.
Middle Management: Because these people spend their days telling others how/what to do, and seem incapable of thinking for themselves, you’d think they would know what’s going on. Chances are the anniversary reminder is a computerized pop up set to “pop” either the day of, or the Friday before. He won’t be sentimental at all before that.
Men over 25: Once man has settled down, begun his family and moved into a permanent residence, he doesn’t feel he has to “try” as much anymore. Living in this comfortable fashion he is likely to do spontaneous things and keep track of the things he needed to while being on his game.
So why does it matter?
To women, forgetting an anniversary is the equivalent of saying they do not matter to you. Obviously most men don’t feel this way, but we can’t convince them otherwise. Forgetting your wife’s birthday is seen as much more personal insult and much more demeaning. Incidently, some women, could care less.
While a man “should” be able to remember, you can provide some helpful reminders if you feel he really doesn’t know it’s coming.
Remark about past gifts/experiences: A man will notice you wearing or not wearing something previously bought for you. Break out that necklace he gave you a few years back. That simple act might do the trick.
Talk openly about the event: An anniversary shouldn’t be just for a woman. Bring it up and discuss mutual plans. If he forgets after this, he probably doesn’t care.
Setting Subtle Reminders: You can program his phone or computer to pop up a reminder that the important date is coming.
Protip: This has the potential to backfire. He might have remembered all along and become angry to see you had little to no faith in him. He might be upset you went through his personal devices. Don’t use this method if he is quick to take offense.
Show appreciation throughout the year: If you act like a raging bitch and then expect one night of diamonds and flowers, you might be barking up the wrong tree. Some men “forget” to passive-aggressively attack or discipline a spouse.
